Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
