I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
