Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
