On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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