she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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