Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
