I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
