Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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