goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize