someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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