if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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