Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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