You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
