OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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