I wanna bring you to show and tell
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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