I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm both gender and math confused
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
