Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
two words...techno handjob
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
