If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
