the condom got lost in my hair
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
