I smell stomach acid.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
