im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
