Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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