I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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