when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
and you fell through a lawn chair
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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