totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
