I'm so fucking centered right now
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
