We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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