Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
