My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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