I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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