I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
