Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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