What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
