Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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