College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize