I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
