I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
