so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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