Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
