he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize