In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
