Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
