The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
