Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
