I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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