They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
