I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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