I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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