She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
