Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
