Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
