just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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