I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
