Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
