there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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