I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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