I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Boobs speak an international language.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
