It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
