My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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