I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
