but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
