Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
