I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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