I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
