I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
