Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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